Breaking the Cycle: Letting Go of the Leadership Cape

Was I resting… or just managing another system?

That question caught me off guard last week, somewhere between coordinating Christmas traditions, managing holiday logistics, and making sure everyone else experienced ease.

The week of Christmas is supposed to feel like a break. The calendar clears. The inbox quiets. The pace slows (at least on paper). And yet, for many of us, it doesn’t feel like rest at all. It feels like a different kind of workload. One filled with traditions, expectations, logistics, and the quiet pressure to make everything meaningful.

This year, I noticed it more clearly than usual.

Not because I don’t love our holiday traditions; I do. I treasure the matching pajamas that started when our oldest was three and somehow still happen, even now that they’re teenagers. The ninja bread men and cookies shaped like footballs, basketballs, and tools, because that’s who our boys are. The Christmas Eve brunch. The big feast at home. The Christmas night movie at the theater.

These are good things. Joyful things.

And still, somewhere between planning, hosting, and “making the magic,” I caught myself returning to that uncomfortable question. Because it revealed something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, and not just at home, but in leadership everywhere.

The Quiet Weight of Carrying the Cape

Here’s the thing leaders don’t say out loud very often:

We’re really good at carrying things.

At work, we carry responsibility, decision-making, emotional labor, and invisible systems no one notices unless they fail. At home (especially during the holidays) we often do the same: coordinating schedules, anticipating needs, holding traditions together, and making sure everyone else experiences ease.

Even during “breaks,” many of us stay in motion.

And if I’m honest, that realization landed heavier than I expected. Because when systems don’t feel strong enough, leaders compensate with themselves. That’s when the cape goes on.

When Traditions Become Systems

Holiday traditions are systems, too.

Matching pajamas don’t happen by accident. Neither do themed cookies or perfectly timed meals. When they work, no one notices the planning behind them. When they don’t, everyone feels it.

Leadership systems operate the same way.

The strongest ones reduce friction. They create flow. They make it easier for people to participate without having to know who’s holding all the pieces behind the scenes. And when they rely too heavily on one person, one leader, one fixer, one “reliable” human, that’s when exhaustion quietly creeps in.

At the district level, this shows up when superintendents become the only ones who can navigate board relations, or when critical operational knowledge lives in one person’s head instead of documented processes. It shows up when principals are the sole translators between central office and staff, or when technology leaders are the only ones who understand how systems connect.

What struck me this week wasn’t that our traditions were too much.

It was that I was wearing the same cape at home that I work so hard to help leaders take off at work.

Capes Optional (At Home and at Work)

This is the heart of the leadership arc I keep returning to: our metaphorical “capes” are optional.

They might look noble. They might feel necessary. But over time, they teach others to depend on us instead of the system, and they teach us to equate leadership with over-functioning.

Strong leadership doesn’t require saving the day. Instead it requires designing conditions where people don’t need saving.

That applies to:

• Teams
• Technology systems
• Communication workflows
• Culture
• Even how we think about rest

If a system requires a cape to function, it isn’t sustainable. It needs redesign, not more effort.

The In-Between Week as a Leadership Mirror

This quiet stretch between Christmas and New Year’s is a gift if we let it be. It’s not restful by default, but it gives us space to notice patterns.

Patterns like:

• Where we’ve normalized carrying too much
• Where expectations have outgrown their purpose
• Where “this is just how it is” might actually be a signal to rethink the system

This isn’t about canceling traditions or lowering standards. It’s about asking better questions.

What still serves us? What could be shared? What could be redesigned so rest doesn’t feel like another task to manage?

Looking Ahead with Intention

As the calendar turns and a new year begins, and as conversations about innovation, leadership, and systems ramp up in the months ahead, I’m carrying this lesson with me:

Leadership isn’t about how much you can hold. It’s about how thoughtfully you design what others experience.

When I evaluate systems, I return to four touchstones: Connection, Capacity, Clarity, and Context. These filters help distinguish which systems truly need redesign versus which simply need our attention redistributed. They remind us that sustainable leadership means building structures that support people, not heroic individuals who hold everything together.

The goal for the year ahead isn’t to wear the cape better.

It’s to build systems, at work and at home, that make the cape unnecessary.

So if this week doesn’t feel like the break you imagined, you’re not doing it wrong. You’re noticing something important. And noticing is often the first step toward leading differently.

Before the year turns, consider this: What’s one system you’re “cape-ing” through right now? Where are you the single point of knowledge, connection, or function?

That’s your signal. That’s where the redesign begins.

Here’s to a new year built on systems strong enough to leave the cape behind.